


A Four-Letter Word Called Fate

by Sev1970 (mk_malfoy)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depressed Harry, Explicit Language, Frottage, M/M, community: hpdmfqf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-02
Updated: 2005-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-07 02:32:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/pseuds/Sev1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Draco get into another one of their verbal fights, except this time Harry reveals the details of his relationship with Sirius. Draco then begins to see the parallels between Harry's feelings of loss and his own, through his father's imprisonment. Written for the Bound and Shagged Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy Fuh-q-fest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Four-Letter Word Called Fate

** Title:  ** A Four-Letter Word Called Fate (Original title was _It Won't Rain Forever_)

** Author:  ** Sev1970

** Date Written ** : February 02, 2005

** Pairing ** : Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter

** Challenge ** : Harry and Draco get into another one of their verbal fights, except this time Harry reveals the details of his relationship with Sirius. Draco then begins to see the parallels between Harry's feelings of loss and his own, through his father's imprisonment. Written for the _Bound and Shagged Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy Fuh-q-fest.___

** Words ** :  9,500

** Warnings:  ** Harsh language; frottage; mentions of a het relationship, but only in passing; angst; duel points of view throughout scenes in the fic, but not of the same events (This is a style I once implemented quite liberally, but I have since moved away from doing so.), and a Harry that might remind you of his emotional state in book five.

A/N : As the warnings imply, this is a fairly angsty fic, especially where Harry is concerned, but it is self-angst—there is little outside influences that are making him think and feel the way he does.He is going through a difficult time, so yeah … he is a bit whiny, possibly overbearingly so.This was my first Draco/Harry, and I have always thought that I should come back to this fic and give it a bit more attention.I have added about 3,000 words and taken other sections out, so while it is the same basic story that I wrote in 2005, it has been edited quite a bit to improve it.Oh, and I didn't like the original title at all—even at the time I wrote it—so I remedied that _ . _

** Disclaimer ** : Only the plot belongs to me; the characters and everything HP belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros. and any other entities involved.

~*~

Harry found an unoccupied carriage and dropped his things onto an empty seat before throwing himself into one of the seats opposite.  He looked around and sighed.  He was settling in for another train ride to Hogwarts … without his friends. 

Why couldn't things be as they had been in first, third, and fourth years?  Those had been fun times.  Even with all that had surrounded him: his nearly being killed by a half-living creature attached to a host body, a basilisk, Acromantula, and Voldemort himself, his being accused of being the Heir of Slytherin and inserting his name into the Goblet, Harry had always been able to count on his two best friends to cheer him up … well, with the one exception when Ron had been a berk in forth year, that is.

That cheering up had stopped.

Even as Harry knew that things rarely stayed the same, he didn't like the changes that had begun to take his friends away from him, and no amount of maturity on his part was going to change that fact.  Some things, once gone, weren't retrievable, and Harry was having a difficult time accepting that his friendship with Ron and Hermione might be coming to an end, or, at least morphing into something else.

When the whistle sounded, alerting everyone that the Hogwarts Express was about to begin its journey into Hogsmeade, Harry had a last look at Platform 9 ¾, and thought about the first time he had seen the scarlet-colored train.That eleven-year-old boy had been so very innocent, a far cry from the seventeen-year-old battle-weary Harry of today.

Where had that little boy gone?And where had Harry's sense of adventure gone?

Thankfully, a reprieve from Harry's maudlin thoughts came in the form of the train beginning to move.Despite all of his current frustrations, just knowing that he would soon be back at Hogwarts served to bring a smile to his face, a feat that was rather amazing.  As he looked out the window as the train left the train station, he mused that the smile he wore might have been the first one he had cracked in two months—perhaps even longer.

Voices coming from the next compartment—prefects giving younger students orders—reminded Harry that Ron and Hermione were busy with Head Boy and Head Girl duties, and therefore, wouldn't be able to join him.

Another reminder that things had changed.

Ginny, Luna, and Neville were usually nearby to keep him company, but Harry knew that Dean and Ginny were making out a few carriages away, and he thought that Luna and Neville were probably off snogging, as well.  It seemed that everyone was enjoying being young.

Except for him.

Closing his eyes, an irritated Harry wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and never wake … but that had been his wish for a year now and it had yet to happen, so he didn't have much hope that today would be any different.

He did fall asleep for a few hours, but when he awoke, he felt even less cheerful than he had before.Why couldn't he be happy?Hermione had once said that a person could change their own mindset, and could make themselves happy.Harry had tried, really, he had, but it hadn't worked.

Staring at the countryside as the train passed through the moors of Scotland on its way to Hogsmeade, Harry thought about how peaceful it must be out among the brush and wild flowers.  Out there, where things were left to fend for themselves, everything was left to grow as it pleased: the trees were not pruned, nor were any seeds planted—everything grew in its own time, because it wanted to.

Not because it had been forced to … like Harry had.

Harry hadn't wanted to grow up so fast; he hadn't wanted seeds of hatred planted in him, but they had been, and there was no removing the fruit of those seeds.

When had it become okay to hate?  When had it become acceptable to kill?

Hadn't anyone thought to tell his professors that death was not something you were born to cause?

No, he had been told none of that. 

Instead, he had been told death was his duty; and, if he failed, then death was still his duty. Be killed or kill—no grey there.Live or die, love or hate, grow or revert, take or give, win or lose. Was one really so much better than the other?

Not in Harry's eyes.

If this was what the world he had entered wide-eyed at aged eleven asked of him, was it a world he wanted to live in?

All Harry wanted was to be a normal teenager. He wanted to have friends, he wanted to have the worries of his year-mates, he wished to not have to look behind him at every turn, and yes, perhaps he even wanted a girlfriend or boyfriend (Although Harry liked girls and what wonderful things they had to offer, he was in love with a boy … well, not so much a boy, but the person in question was male), and to do what normal teenagers did with someone whom they liked: go out and have fun.

Harry had watched for years as his friends did each of these things, and, while he did get into more than his fair share of mischief, his other wants, especially that of the love of another person (not in the familial way), were no closer to him than the elusive Mirror of Erised or his dead parents.

Ginny had given up on him after only a few months of the two being together—some rot about Harry not being present when they were intimate.Harry had, of course, denied any such meanderings of thought, to no avail.Her decision to end their relationship had hurt somewhat, butit had not been as painful as Harry had anticipated it being.  To be sure, he missed the sex, especially the way Ginny had been able to bring him to orgasm with just a bare suction on his cock, but their mutual decision to go their separate ways had left Harry free to explore other avenues … avenues that included the male he was so very interested in.

Unfortunately, however, that other avenue was now off limits … with no hope of that limitation being lifted.

This being the state of affairs in Harry's sad life, he had been a victim of unrequited love for the past year, and it was his best friends fault.

It wasn't fair.

Ron had never shown the slightest bit of interest in Remus Lupin until the previous year, but Harry had been in love with the man since third year.

Well, to be honest, it hadn't been love, or any such rot as that—admiration and adulation had been more apropos at that stage of Harry's life, but those innocent feelings had morphed into attraction, then lust, then much more by the time Harry completed fifth year.   

He had known, as a fifteen-year-old, that it was wrong to feel as he did for someone who was so much older than him (not to mention that the man was his teacher), but he had also known then, as he knew now, that love had no age limit, as the object of his desire …  and someone else, were about to prove.

As Harry had watched the progression of his best friend and Remus Lupin's relationship, which seemed to have moved into intimate territory rather quickly, there was someone else who wanted Harry, and not in the "Hi, want to be my friend?" sense.Initially Harry had been repulsed when he overheard the person talking to Remus, but then, when he thought about it, and when his cock began to tell him that it was indeed interested, he began to warm to the idea.He missed sex, and he missed the warmth of a body sleeping next to his.

Unfortunately, this person wasn't willing to declare his intentions to Harry—something about it being inappropriate for a teacher to have such feelings for a student, which, it was, but if that was the case, then why…

Harry made himself stop that line of thought.

What did his year-mates have that he didn't?

His eyes prickling, Harry shook his head and forced himself to buck up.  He was not going to allow these thoughts to take over, as they were wont to do—not today, anyway.  He was going back to Hogwarts and he was going to begin this final year with a good attitude.  It mightn't last, but he would begin with it.

Sometime later, after he had been daydreaming about a man he would never have and a life he could only dream of, Harry was brought out of his deep thoughts when he felt something skim his head. Looking up, he only managed a sneer at the person who had interrupted his reverie: Draco Malfoy. Who seemed to be up to his usual no good.Harry gave Malfoy his fiercest scowl, but he knew it was hardly a grimace. "Parkinson finally got tired of your sulking, did she?  Somehow, I didn't figure you'd prefer me over her, but perhaps I was wrong.  Perhaps—"

"Shut Up, Potter.  You know nothing," replied Draco, looking and feeling as if he were about to explode.  Potter didn't know anything.

"I wasn't the one who interrupted you, Malfoy.  I believe it was the other way around, so if you'd be so _kind_ as to leave, I could get back to what I was doing," replied a sarcastic Harry.  No one could get to him like Malfoy ….

Other than Snape, but that was a whole other can of worms that Harry didn't wish to think about at the moment.

Draco let out a derisive laugh and shook his head as he pushed some of Potter's things over and sat down across from him.  "You are a piece of work, Potter.  It is all about you.  Poor Potter.  We should all leave the _chosen one_ to his depressing thoughts, is that right?  You know? At this rate you won't have to wait for the Dark Lord to kill you—you'll do it yourself.  Buck up, Potter, you're not the only one going through shitty times."

The nerve! Harry shook his head and said something unrepeatable under his breath."Yeah, daddy Lucius is in Azkaban where he belongs.  My parents are dead, as is my godfather.  I hardly see the comparison, Malfoy."  That had felt good, and Harry patted himself on the back for such a comeback, but even as he was gloating, he knew he'd been wrong to say such a thing.But, he was so damned angry—that he was not particularly angry at Malfoy (the boy had as much to do with Harry's current mood as a car crash had had to do with his parents' deaths)—didn't much matter.  Malfoy was here and he was someone Harry could direct his anger towards.

Even still, Harry knew he'd been wrong to say what he had, and he knew he needed to say something before Malfoy went off on him.  Harry knew that an angry Draco Malfoy would probably not be someone he wanted to deal with at the moment.  "Er, that was out of line.  I shouldn't have said that.  Sorry," Harry said as he shrugged his shoulders.  He so hated having to apologize to the arrogant Slytherin.

As much as he didn't want to accept anything from Harry Potter, Draco gave a curt nod.  "Yeah, well, I guess I owe you an apology as well."  That was all Draco was going to say.  He knew Potter would understand that this had nothing to do with current events and everything to do with past deeds, and from the change of expression on Potter's face, he had known exactly that.  Draco braced himself.  He would deserve whatever Potter had to say to him.

"Oh Thanks, that makes it all better, yeah?  You're such a prick, Malfoy," Harry said, his face now red.  Perhaps he hadn't truly been angry with Malfoy seconds earlier, but now, the past year's deeds being thrown in his face, he was.  "Did it give you great joy to fuck Snape and drool all over him like a lovesick puppy, knowing he was thinking of me all along? Did it make you smile to hear him scream out my name when he had an orgasm with you because he was thinking of me? Tell me, Malfoy: how does it feel to get exactly what you want all the time.Tell me how nice it is to know that you can hurt people as you do because you are Draco Malfoy."  

Now that he'd started, Harry didn't want to stop.  There was so much that he wished to say to Malfoy.  Six years of pent-up frustration was begging for release.

"Potter, bugger off.  You don't give a fuck about Snape, so what does it matter what he and I get up to?  At least I know how to get what I want."

How dare he!Wanting to hit Malfoy, Harry instead closed his eyes.  He knew this wouldn't end well.  When he reopened them, he pointed his finger at Malfoy.  "You don't know anything about what I want or what I don't want, so shut the fuck up about how I feel about Snape.  You know more than anyone that it is him who seems to not care enough for me to say anything.  He wants me yet he won't say anything.  He wants me, yet he fucks someone I hate.  Yeah, I don't know why it even matters what the two of you do.  You deserve each other.  It's his fault Sirius is dead.  He could have prevented what happened, but he did nothing.  And then there is you defending what your aunt did.  What the hell is that about, Malfoy?  She killed my godfather.  Do you fucking understand?  He is never coming back.  Oh, but of course you would never understand anything like that because you probably don't know what it is to love someone."  Harry then turned towards the window, his conversation finished.  He had no intention of speaking another word to Malfoy.

"You're wrong, Potter.Sod off and go fuck yourself.I don't know why you care who's cock I get to suck at night.You are such a damned fool.If you would open your bloody eyes, you'd possibly find that people are not as out to get you as you think they are.What is your problem, anyway?Did you not get your quota of hugs when you woke this morning?"  


Harry sneered.  "I want you to hurt like I do, Malfoy.I would just love it if for one minute if you could feel the pain I am feeling. You go on and continue being the obnoxious specimen you are, and act as if everything is fine.  I don't get it. You were so angry at me at the end of fifth year for me getting your father put back in Azkaban. Then, last year you acted as if it didn't bother you at all. How can you be so cold, Malfoy? Do you not know love? Do you not know what it is like to lose someone whom you loved?  Merlin, Draco, I never knew my parents, and I only knew Sirius for three years, and then he died. Just stepped off the dais and died. No warning—nothing. You get to see your father as often as you wish, yet you think it is a joke. Everything is a joke to you. You don't have to worry about anything.  It all comes so easy for you, so you don't have to worry about not getting what you want.  You always get what you want, don't you?  I didn't think you could truly be the heartless bastard I thought you to be, but I guess you really are, aren't you?"

Draco opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't.  he shut it.  There had to be a retort, but he had nothing to say. 

Perhaps that was best.  

He had been bested.  Potter had found him out.  He continued to stare at Potter, fervently hoping for inspiration to hit.  He needed to say something.

Harry met Malfoy's stare and vowed not to be the one to break it, even as he was almost to the point of tears.  He hated how smug Malfoy acted, and, even more, he hated that Malfoy could evoke such emotion in him, and he hated that the Slytherin always got what he wanted.

It wasn't fair.

Malfoy had been blessed with the looks of Adonis, and had the chivalrous manners that any mother or father would love their son-in-law to have. Draco had it all, didn't he? He even had Snape … who would rather fuck someone he didn't love, rather than tarnish his image with admitting he was in love with a student by the name of Harry bloody Potter.  "You know, Malfoy, I'll probably end up dying trying to get rid of Voldemort, but, I'm Harry fucking Potter, so what else should I expect?  Certainly not anything good. Why would I ever want anything good to happen to me?  I so love it when I am fucked over by my best friend and the person who loves me but can't admit it. It fills my heart with joy when I think of my godfather, my one true connection to family, falling to his death, and I just really enjoy reminding myself that it was fucking little me who just had to go to the Department of Mysteries to try to rescue him. Hermione tried convincing me that Sirius wasn't really in trouble there, but oh no, I wouldn't listen.  I was such a fucked up git. He asked me to not do anything rash.  If I had only listened, the one person who truly loved me would not be dead now."Harry felt as he began to shake, and tried to calm himself.He knew better than to talk about Sirius—doing so always made him more susceptible to panic attacks.He closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing.

Draco turned his head to look out the window, and thought about what Potter had said.  Draco would never know what it was like to miss someone as Potter missed Black; he could not understand the love behind such grief. He had watched Potter steadily close himself off to everyone, and he'd never been able to understand exactly why. He had thought the boy should be happy, but now he was realizing how very wrong he had been.

As odd a realization as it was, for the first time, Draco was able to understand Harry Potter. He knew the boy was hurting, and the young Malfoy knew about hurting. He may not have ever known love, but he knew loss, and what the two were experiencing was not so different.

 "My dad," Draco said, not much more than a whisper as he shook his head and looked out the window, partly at Harry's reflection, "well, he wasn't much for love.  Discipline, yes; manners, yes; respect, yes, and I grew up just fine. Dad and Mum raised me as a proper Malfoy, wearing all the finest silks, sporting the latest broomsticks, and on and on.  I never wanted for anything in my father's eyes, and all I wanted was for my father to love me; I just wanted him to say to me once: Draco, I'm proud of you. But he never did. Yes, he sent me gifts and always made certain I had the best of everything, even at school. Mum never had much to do with me, so my father tried making up for her absence by showering me with any material thing my heart desired."

Draco then turned to Harry, who was now looking at him, those green eyes looking at him as if he had lost all hope. "All I ever wanted was his love, Po—Harry … that is all I ever wanted. Now he is in Azkaban and I miss him more than I thought possible."   

Harry laughed out, but he abruptly quelled the outburst.The laugh hadn't been in response to what Malfoy said, but from the look on his face, Malfoy had taken it as such. "Draco, I have been surrounded by love since I came to Hogwarts: the Weasleys love me, Remus loves me, Hermione loves me, and Snape loves me. I know what love is now; it took me a long while to get to that point, but I cherish it. But with Sirius, it goes so much deeper; he was my father's best friend. They walked the corridors of Hogwarts together, they spent the night at each other's houses, and they told each other secrets. Sirius was not only my godfather, Draco, he was the part of my father that no one but me ever knew. Knowing what my dad saw and loved about Sirius made me love my father even more.  Yes, I am so angry at Sirius for being reckless and for getting himself killed, but you know what?  That is what my dad loved about Sirius. He loved that his best friend was not afraid of a challenge. I guess I shouldn't really be angry at Sirius for dying. He died living, and isn't that what we all want to be said about us when we die? That we didn't go out without a fight?"

"I'm sorry, Potter."And Draco wasn't at all lying.He truly was sorry.

"Why.What do you have to be sorry about, Malfoy?"

"I'm sorry my aunt killed Black."

Harry turned his head; chin trembling. "Thanks … I guess I should say I am sorry for jumping down your throat earlier."

Draco shook his head. "No, I had it coming."

Harry nodded."Maybe, but I have been walking around for a year now, wanting nothing more than to die, then I come on the train and start in on you.  And I'm really sorry about Snape.  I had no right to say what I did."

Now it was Draco's turn to nod. "Yeah, that was pretty low, Potter, but he is in love with you.  He doesn't love me."  Again, Draco wondered what was possessing him to speak so openly to Potter, but he had needed to do this for a long time, and he had an idea that Potter had needed it as well.

The two of them couldn't remain enemies forever.

Harry cleared his throat.  He was not going to cry.  It was weakness to show such emotion.  "Too bad I am in love with someone else; someone else who happens to be in love with my best friend."

"Remus is a fool, Potter.  Weasley? What is that man thinking?"

Harry glared. "Hey, watch it; Ron is buggering the man I love, but he is still my best friend.I won't have you—"

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "Gryffindors. Honestly, Potter; you are too forgiving for your own good."

"Well, it sure does beat being mean.  Don't you Slytherins ever tire of being such bullies?"

"Ouch, that hurt," said a sarcastic Draco.

"It should. Haven't you heard the saying you can catch more flies with honey then with vinegar?"

"Having this is not conducive to niceness." Draco rolled up his left shirtsleeve to show the Dark Mark.

Harry's eyes dilated, but he said nothing.  He'd wondered, but he hadn't thought Malfoy old enough to receive the Dark Mark.  To see it so close was upsetting.  That Mark had caused so much heartache for Harry.  He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"It is my fucking legacy, Potter; the one sodding thing my father gives me that is not worth squat.  It deems me worthy in his eyes, but worthless in the only eyes I care abo—"  Draco stopped as he felt his face become warm.Fortunately, Harry's eyes remained closed.Draco knew he had made a serious mistake.  He had never meant for that bit to slip out.  Damn Potter and his little sad-looking face.

Harry opened his eyes, furrowed his brows, and looked at Draco, asking the other to explain.

Draco shook his head.  "Don't ask."  He was fucked.  Harry wasn't going to let this go.

Harry heard the sadness in Malfoy's  voice, then, as odd as it was, it was Draco's reaction to that last question which finally broke through that layer of ice that had begun forming around Harry's heart since Sirius died.  He had been angry at the world for a prophecy that had him either killing or being killed, and he had been furious at a boy whom he thought had so much to be thankful for, but he now knew the boy had little to be thankful for. Harry might end up dead, or maimed, blind or deaf, but he would die knowing someone loved him.

Harry didn't know what to say.

"I don't want your pity, Potter; it's what he did and it's what his father did. It's the Malfoy legacy. Yeah, it sucks, and yes, I would much rather be unmarked, but it makes my dad happy, and I want to make him happy. He may never love me or be proud of me, but if I can make him happy, at least once, then I will proudly bear this Mark."

Six years of deep-seeded hate began to dwindle away as a horrified Harry cursed Lucius Malfoy.How dare him."Does Severus know that you have been marked?" Harry asked, honestly wanting to know, and honestly wanting to know, and honestly wanting to do nothing more than reassure Draco that not all people were like his father.

Draco shook his head. "He would get himself killed trying to kill my father; I am not worth that, Harry, and as much as I do not like what I am doing, I love my father, and if he was killed, I would be bereft without him."

Harry tried to understand, but he couldn't. He knew love, and he knew acceptance, but he also knew hatred, and other than Voldemort, no one hated Harry more than Draco Malfoy's father. Lucius Malfoy was evil, and Harry couldn't understand how Draco could love him."Your father wants me dead, Draco. Part of me wishes he would kill me and get it over with. It is no fun walking around knowing someone wants me dead and is willing to go to any lengths to accomplish that."

Draco nodded, "Why do you want to die, Potter?  If I were you, I would be quite happy. I would rather be you, in fact. I hate walking around as Lucius Malfoy's son, and I hate people acting all nice to me, then turning on me when I leave.  No one likes me, Harry; they fear me because of my father. Without him, I am truly nothing. Don't you understand? You are everything: you are a hero, you are everyone's hope; you are all the goodness in the world put in one person. I don't know how one person can have it all, but you do; your really do."  And that was really how Draco felt.  He had always been jealous of Harry Potter.Even with the near deaths the boy had faced, Draco thought that Potter had it much better than he did.

Harry glared. "You are sodding out of your mind, Malfoy. Why in Merlin's name would you ever want to be me?  People can't decide if it is better to love or to hate me.  I mean, when I made Voldemort disappear, I was a hero. When I entered Hogwarts, everyone tripped over themselves to coddle me. Then, in second year, when everyone thought I was the heir of Slytherin, I became someone to stay away from.  Of course, that came to an end and everyone adored me once again until my name was pulled out of the Goblet.  It got better after that, but then last year everyone thought I was barking mad. Is that the person you wish to be, Malfoy? Because if it was possible, I assure you, you could be me; I sure as hell don't won't me."  Harry smirked and gave a short derisive laugh, but stopped when Malfoy looked at him funnily.  It wasn't a familiar look, and it worried Harry.  Things were getting a bit weird.

"Maybe I don't want to be you, Potter, but you aren't so far off.  Maybe I just want … forget it."   Draco shook his head and sighed rather dramatically, as if he knew he'd said too much.  He, of course, had once gain said far too much.When would he learn to keep his mouth shut?  Hadn't watching his father in action—getting carted off to Azkaban—taught him anything? 

Apparently, not.

Harry mimicked the rather put upon sigh that Draco had so ineloquently exhaled, then froze when realization finally made its way to his muddled brain.  Well, it mightn't be the case, but he thought he now understood the coy look that Draco had given him, and it wasn't at all a heartening feeling.  It was rather sickening, to be quite honest.

Oh.  No.

Harry's stomach began to roil.  Draco Malfoy was not about to profess his wish to be with him … was he?  That was the last thing Harry needed.

Every damned available witch and wizard seemed to want in his pants, and the two people who Harry wanted in his, either weren't in love with him, or didn't have the courage to ask. 

Harry looked at Draco and pondered his next words.

Not to say that Draco wasn't handsome or that Harry was blind—Draco was very handsome, and Harry was all too aware that his libido reacted favorably around the other, but Harry knew that becoming involved with Malfoy, while possibly gratifying in many ways, would be foolhardy and dangerous, therefore, not something he should do. 

As Harry continued to study Malfoy, who seemed to be studying him, he found himself wondering what it would be like to suck Malfoy dry.  It was an odd thought, to be sure.  

Harry Potter sucking Draco Malfoy's cock—who would ever believe it?

But … who was Harry to pass up such an offer.  If he couldn't have what he wanted, perhaps he should take what he could get.  Pretty boys such as Draco Malfoy didn't profess their wants like this every day.

Of course, an offer had yet to be made.  Perhaps Harry was getting ahead of himself.But, if one were made …

Harry grinned and wasn't disappointed when he felt a tightening in his groin.  Yes, this mightn't end so badly after all.  "What do you want, Malfoy?"  Harry's green eyes pierced the grey ones.

"Forget it, Potter."  Draco felt the blush rising to his face again and quickly turned away.

"For a Slytherin, you are quite transparent, Malfoy. You are buggering the one person who is interested in me, so if you want a piece of me, that's fine with me. I've always wondered what it would be like to fuck a Malfoy, and your father is rather off limits at the moment. Besides, I think doing it literally instead of figuratively would be much more satisfying.And, the good thing about you is I already know you, so it's not like I have to wonder what your motivations are. Yeah, you just want a piece of me, but at least I know it's just curiosity and not a need to gain control of me or my money."

Draco was shocked into silence.He shook his head. Was Potter feeling well?  "You are not serious, right?"  Draco was a bit scared.  Potter was acting more than weird.  He was being downright frightening. 

Harry Potter would never ever act like this.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I'm as serious as I have ever been, Malfoy. Hell, who knows, perhaps you and me belong together. Our lives are certainly fucked up enough."

Draco let a small laugh escape, but then he regained his usual stoic, expression.  "Snape would castrate me if he found out I buggered you. He might be with me, but as I said, he loves you, and would probably kill anyone who ever hurt you."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Draco, first of all, how do you see that you and I being together so we can fuck will hurt me?  And second, Snape can go sod off for all I care. If he 'loves' me so much, then why does he treat me so horribly? He is such a fucking hypocrite. You know who I'm in love with, and you also know why I'll never have what I want. Part of me thinks I deserve this: to be lonely and miserable forever, but why should I be if I don't have to? I don't know who you fancy, but you know that Snape is only using you. Even you deserve better than that."

Draco felt more than a little affronted by that statement, but let it pass without comment."Yeah, we are two fucked up people, Potter. You are, or were, my most hated enemy, and now we are talking about buggering each other, all because we have some sentimental talk about those we love and miss. It is a bit too ironic in my opinion."

Harry smirked. "Yep, it is, but hey … you'll be able to say you were with The-Boy-Who-Lived."

Draco's head shot up at that statement, and suddenly it all clicked into place.  He was not talking to the Harry Potter he had loathed for years—he was talking to someone who was mentally unstable because of all that he had been through.  Draco shook his head repeatedly, and felt like he was going to explode, although he had no idea why. "Merlin, you really are in a bad way, Potter."

Harry laughed out. "Yep; that is me, screwed up Potter. Well, what do you say? Wanna roll around and see what it is like to screw me for real?"

Draco's cock came alive.Oh yes, Draco did wish to do that very thing.  He thought his pants might burst from his straining erection.  He had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted Harry.  He and Pansy had been fucking for a over a year, but she was just someone for Draco to relieve his needs with.Harry, on the other hand … Draco coveted Harry—always had, even as that want had only been in the physical sense for about an hour.Nevertheless, Draco knew how messed up Harry was.  He shook his head, hated that he was doing so. "No, I think not. I'm not interested in a quick shag, Potter."  He then stood and left the carriage.

That night, as Harry closed the hangings around his bed and closed his eyes, he knew sleep would evade him as it always did. His life was so messed up. He was in love with his godfather's former lover, who just so happened to be shacking up with Ron now. Then there was the fact that Snape was in love with him, but would not dare let that fact be known, so Snape was screwing Draco Malfoy … Harry's latest enigma. The blond pretty boy had completely blown Harry away earlier. Harry was sure the boy had to be messing with him, and even if he wasn't, Harry had been telling the truth. He wouldn't mind a good fuck with the Slytherin; he knew he would never have whom he really wanted, so why not have a go with Malfoy?

  
~*~ Christmas ~*~

  
Once again, Harry found himself alone in the Gryffindor Common room. Everyone had gone home for Christmas except him. Ron had planned on staying so he could spend Christmas with Remus, but the Weasleys had decided to take a trip to Romania to see Charlie, who had recently moved back there.

Harry didn't feel like facing anyone, but it was time for dinner, and if he didn't make an appearance, he was sure someone would come find him.

No one seemed to leave him alone these days.

They were smart not to do so.

Walking into the Great Hall, Harry froze. Everyone was already seated and eating their dinner. Draco smiled at him and pointed to a seat directly beside him. Harry walked over and took the seat.

The two had barely spoken more than a few sentences to each other since the beginning of term. Their schedules were quite different, so that didn't put them in contact with each other much, and on the rare occasions they were in close contact, Harry did his best to ignore the other's attempts to talk.

Harry was being mean.He knew he should accept the tentative friendship that seemed to be offered him, but he couldn't, or wouldn't.

"Thanks, Draco."

"He speaks."

Harry glared at the boy, then his eyes caught sight of a quickly paling Snape, who was staring at him. Harry looked longingly at the man who he wished he wanted, and found himself almost mesmerized by those black eyes. Suddenly he seemed to realize he was staring. He quickly returned his gaze to Draco, who looked pensive and a bit upset.  Another look at Snape, then Harry turned back to Draco, and swallowed.  He had no idea how he knew, but he did.

Draco was no longer fucking Snape.

"When?" Harry asked.

"This afternoon. He was using me, Harry.  You know it is you he wants, and before you try to say how much you are in love with Lupin, let me tell you that if you wait for that ignoramus, you'll be waiting forever.  Severus loves you, and if you are determined to stay celibate, well that is up to you, but if I had someone like Snape offering his love to me, I would take it, and I think you should as well."

Harry slowly shook his head. This was not happening.  It wasn't supposed to happen this way.  "We need to talk, Draco, but after dinner." Harry turned back to his plate and quickly shoveled the food down before getting up and leaving without saying a word. 

Walking out of the Great Hall, Harry took out his Invisibility Cloak and covered himself. Ten minutes later a pale Draco walked out, and was quickly wrapped in the Invisibility Cloak. "What's your game, Malfoy? Why did you leave Snape?"

"Look Potter, Snape just reamed me out; he seems to be under the impression I am trying to get the two of you together. Of course, I am, but he thinks he is not good enough for you and demanded I cease my ill-fated attempts."

"Perhaps he is right, Malfoy. Just maybe I am too good for him. He is a lowly Death Eater, just like you, right? I seem to recall you showing interest in me earlier.  But then you recoiled. Am I too good for you as well?  Fuck Malfoy. Is there a damned person who I am not too good for? I guess not, so per my usual, that leaves me out in the cold, watching the only person I truly love, buggering my best friend."

Draco glared at Harry and practically pushed him along until they had reached the corridor. Seeing an open door, Draco led them into the empty room and closed the door behind them. "I have had enough of your whining, Potter.  Merlin, I did this today for you and Snape, but if you are going to play the poor unfortunate soul, then by all means, don't let me stop you."

Harry felt himself beginning to shake. "Why? I didn't ask you to give up your fuck toy for me.  I didn't ask for you to care, and I most assuredly did not ask for your opinions about Remus."

"Potter. You can sulk and go lick your wounds. Fuck, I guess if you think your life is so pathetic, you should just go do something about it, but before you do, you are going to listen to what I have to say: I have said none of this to you because of what you wanted or needed to hear. I only said what I did because you don't seem to care about anything anymore. Sometimes I think you would rather die than be here. Potter, you may be upset and angry at the world, but there is a life worth living, if not with Remus, then perhaps with Snape. If not him, well maybe … I don't know. Merlin, Potter, you could have anyone your heart desires. Get over Remus."

~*~  


"Harry, will you ever be able to forgive me? I never wanted to hurt you."

Harry glared at Ron and was seething inside. "You hurt him, Ron; how could you have done that? He loved you, and you took advantage of that love. I have never seen Remus so upset. It took me an hour to calm him down. So how long have you been having the affair?"

"Not long."

"Merlin. You and Snape? Fuck, Ron. Why?"

"Well, you weren't giving him any, and I guess he got lonely after Draco left him."

Harry sneered as he slammed his fist on Ron's desk. "Oh so yes, this is all about appeasing our dear Potions professor, is it? What happened to Remus and you? There was a time not so long ago that you and he could not be apart for a single second. What happened?"

"I can't say."

"You mean you won't."

"I think you know why."

Harry slowly nodded and sighed loudly before throwing his hands up in the air.  "So you deliberately drove him away; this was your sick plan to make Remus hate you and run into my arms?"

"Yes. He does love you Harry; you can make him happy, and he can do the same for you."

Harry sat down on his bed and placed his head in his hands. He could finally perhaps have what he had wanted for so long, but now he wasn't so sure if he really wanted it after all. "This is just so bloody brilliant. The man of my dreams finally wants me, and I don't think I want him anymore. Ron, do you still love him?"

Ron nodded.

Harry took a deep breath. "Bloody fucking hell. Why is my life so screwed up? Go after him and tell him that you still love him. He'll forgive you eventually; you know how loving he is. Go to him."  Harry was shaking so violently that he thought he might pass out.  Was this really happening?

"What about you, Harry?  I have watched you waste away to nothing.  You are my best friend and I don't want to lose you."

Harry sighed as he looked toward the window. "I think there is someone else who truly loves me, and _he_ is not scared to tell me how he feels, and I think it is about time I told him how I feel."

~*~

"What are you doing here?" Draco asked, not pleased that his solitude had been impeded upon.

"I don't know." Harry shrugged his shoulders as he stared into the grey eyes that had tried to help him.  He opened his mouth a few times, but closed it, not knowing what to say.

Draco sighed. "Just leave, Harry."

Harry took in a deep breath and shook his head. "You listened to me that day. I know I have friends and they help me and give me advice, but you listened. You have tried to be nice to me, and I haven't allowed you to be. You've tried showing me that you care, but I wouldn't let you. You shared your feelings of remorse about your father, but I wouldn't let them change my opinion of you. You have done nothing but try all year to be nice to me, and I have laughed in your face. You gave up Snape for me, and I just found out that my best friend gave up his true love so that I could be happy. I am such a git. I don't deserve any of this, but I do know now what I want. I always thought it was Remus. I thought that if he and I were together, all would be right with the world. Then I thought maybe Snape would be enough. He loves me, and that has to count for something, right?  But all along, you stayed in the background letting me wage my battles, lending support when I needed it even if I didn't accept it."

"And now?" Draco asked, not sure he was prepared for what would come next.  What he had wanted for so long was what he still wanted, but …

"This is dangerous, Draco, and it scares me. Your father wants me dead, and will do everything in his power to make sure that happens. I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of hurting you. I don't want to do anything to hurt you."

Draco sat down beside Harry but did not meet the green eyes.  He couldn't. "I love you, Harry. I don't know when it started, or why, or how, but all I know is I do. I know my father wants you dead, and he'll probably want me dead as well now."

Harry turned Draco's face so that they were looking into each other's eyes."I didn't want to accept that it was you who I was slowly falling for. I wanted so badly to want Remus today. I could have had him, but neither of us would have been happy. I could have had Snape and he would have been blissfully happy, but I wouldn't have been. But here I am looking into your eyes, and I don't understand how we arrived at this point. I hated you so much, Draco. I don't understand how such hatred can morph into such intense feelings of longing and needing. I want to be with you now. I finally know what it is to truly care for someone."

Draco smiled and let out a brief laugh. He had told Harry he loved him, but Harry had not responded in kind.  Would he ever?  Did it matter?  "We are two fucked up blokes, Harry.  My father wants you dead, and you would like for him to die, yet you understand that I love my father despite all of that."

Harry raised a brow. "Well, I'm trying. As you said, he is all you have, just as Sirius was all I had, but I just want you to know that now you have me as well as him, and I do respect you and l'll never hurt you on purpose."

Draco shifted slightly.  This was now getting awkward. He had kept his feelings towards Harry to himself for almost a year, and now that the Gryffindor knew how he felt, Draco should have felt relieved, but he was nervous as hell. He had dreamt of Harry and him making love, but now he worried that he may not be good enough for _Harry Potter._"You are really willing to risk your life to be with me?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Draco, my life is a constant risk. I am a marked person, and anything I do is a risk, but I am damned if I allow others to dictate my life for me. I am not pleased that I have fallen for a Malfoy; the thought is rather repulsive, but I can't change what happened, so I'll just have to get over it."

Draco snorted. "Yeah, well, it did not amuse me much to fall in love with a hopeless Gryffindor. I guess we'll both have to get over our biases."

Any further words Draco had yet to voice were drowned out by Harry's lips. Draco moaned into the warm lush lips and wrapped his arms around the smaller man. He pulled Harry down with him, and the two began rolling around on Draco's bed, kissing and biting each other. With a wave of his wand, Draco had the two naked.

Minutes later, Draco screamed as he felt a warm hand pumping his rather hard cock, and bucked up into Harry's groin. "Faster." As the thrusts grew more frantic, so did Draco's moans. A few seconds later had the long and lanky Slytherin squirting his come all over Harry's legs and stomach. After catching his breath, a very sated Draco looked lustily into Harry's eyes. "My turn."

Draco grabbed Harry's swollen cock and began pumping it as his lips were claimed in a bruising kiss. He snaked his free arm around Harry, found the young man's pucker, and slowly breached it with a finger, eliciting a whimper. "More?"

"Yes," Harry said, his breathing ragged, his body on fire.

Draco reached for his wand again and, within a second, Harry and he were well lubed. Draco then snaked another finger up Harry's arse, and hit that sweet spot that he knew would cause his soon to be lover to come undone. "Can I make love to you?"

Harry slowly nodded, but then sobered.  "You really want to?"

"Yes, Harry, I really want to."Harry's response was to nod.Draco finished preparing Harry, then let the swollen cock fall from his hand as he sat up slowly. "Turn over on your stomach. I don't think I can control my urge and I don't want to hurt you."

Harry complied, then closed his eyes and let the feelings of love overwhelm him. He felt Draco's cock rubbing against his entrance, and he tried bucking up into it, but Draco kept the squirming hips on the bed, forcing a whimper from a needy Harry.

Draco slowly entered Harry, and when he was fully sheathed, he stilled to allow them to adjust.He began moving in small circles, but it was so very difficult to keep it slow.Draco wanted to mark Harry as his, and his way of marking was to fuck hard.He loved to fuck hard.

"Move, Draco."

Draco smirked, but complied. "As you wish." Draco began thrusting in and out of Harry, and despite his fears, he was able to keep the pace rather slow. He did not want to hurt Harry, but he did begin increasing his thrusts as Harry began pleading with him to fuck him harder. Soon, Draco was slamming into the smaller Harry, professing his love, and marking Harry Potter as his with each new thrust. He then collapsed when he felt himself spilling into the firm and lithe body beneath him, and soon after, he felt the release of Harry's come on his hand that was wrapped around the still emptying cock. After the two had calmed somewhat, Draco rolled off Harry."Straddle me."

Harry did as asked.

"Did I hurt you?" Draco asked as he lifted Harry's hips and repositioned them so that their cocks could have better access to each other.

Harry shook his head and his face contorted into a huge grin. "Merlin, Draco, that was by far the best sex I've ever had."

Draco smirked rather haughtily.He knew he was good in bed. "And there is more of that to follow, but I need you to understand something, and this is important, Harry.I'm not one of your fans who wants to say they've been with the boy-who-lived.I'm not here for a fuck, Harry. I'm here for real.  Whatever this is that we have, it is not about fucking or sex.  Do you understand what I am saying?"

Not really, no, Harry didn't, or he hadn't, but he did now, and he felt quite small. He hadn't thought this was _that_ serious.  Well, yes, he had, but his serious had not been anything near Draco's serious.  Did Harry want this kind of serious?

"This is for real, isn't it?" Harry said as he leant over and clamped his lips onto Draco's right nipple.To be honest, he wasn't at all sure he wanted this to be as serious as Draco seemed to think it was, but he thought that with time, he would want and need Draco more than he had ever thought he needed Remus.

Remus had always been off-limits: first because of his age, and second, because of Ron, and Harry thought he had probably attached himself to loving Remus Lupin because he was never going to have him.Remus had been safe to love from a distance.

Could Harry love Draco?Not now, he couldn't, but he wanted to and hoped that those feelings would come, because he deserved happiness and love as much as anyone did, didn't he?

Draco let out a strangled grunt and bucked up into Harry."Y—yes, Harry it is for real. I love YOU, not who you were or what you are or what you are expected to do. I love the real you. I don't want to be with you just to be with you. I want to be with you because we belong together.And if you don't begin moving I am going to hex you."

Harry released the nipple as he looked lovingly down at the person who had changed his life. He had the feeling that Draco was being honest with him, but he couldn't quite believe that anyone would want him, especially after he had acted as he had for the past year.  The only answer he could come up with was that Draco truly did love him."It took me a long time to get here, Draco, and it's going to take me a long time to feel like me again, but I think that if you'll have me, I'll try to make you happy."  I'll try to love you went unspoken.

When Harry kissed him again, Draco knew that Harry need never tell him that he loved him.  The love was in his kiss.Perhaps one day Harry would say those words, but, for now, the kiss would suffice.  When Harry broke the kiss to catch his breath, Draco took the opportunity to push Harry back, then he climbed up Harry's body and covered it with his, his elbows on either side of Harry's chest.  He stared at the compact body and admired the green eyes that were looking into his, then he slid down and began exploring Harry's body: He took a nipple into his mouth and felt his cock come to life again as Harry began to moan.

A few hours later, when Draco was once again buried inside of Harry's arse, his cock teasing and awakening Harry's prostate over and over, he thought that life certainly was funny.

How was it that he, Draco Malfoy, a Slytherin who had been raised with a set of beliefs that had deemed him unworthy in so many eyes, including those of the man whose arse he was now buried inside, and Harry Potter, a hopeless Gryffindor, whose lot in life had been not of his own doing, but the doing of others, had ended up in a bed, making love?  And, how was it that two lonely, scared, boys had found in each other a sympathetic ear one day almost twelve months earlier on a scarlet train as it winded its way through the Scottish countryside? 

It was a four-letter word called fate.

~*~


End file.
